Thursday, May 31, 2007

… Squeeze me, PLEASE!

Work is getting more and more hectic now. I can feel the heat. Now that I’ve learn most of the tricks, my colleagues have start to ‘throw’ most of the issues for me to handle. I am just getting to get use to it so rather I know on and off, I would make silly mistakes or perhaps I’ll meet deep shit which I fear most. I feel insufficient of time which I see why they leave the office only at 8PM.

There’s this particular colleague was teaches me a lots. Well, she guides me and nurtures me more or less the knowledge I need to know bout the things I need to handle. She’s nice but my only concern is that the amount of cigarettes I have inhale from her smoking. Her naïve and petite size doesn’t show you her real true identity from the first glance. When I first get to know her I was surprised as she was the one who always get most of the tease from the rest of us and then when I knew her true enough I began to read her habit and abilities.

She’s a strong smoker. Every hour subsequently she goes out from the office 3 times in an HOUR. That’s how she smokes. And whenever she gets back, she’ll be the one who talks most of the time to me moreover her cubic is just next to mine. And eventually I inhale most of her smoking. Trust me; it doesn’t seem right to inhale such for a month. I wouldn’t interfere much regarding the matter of smoking, I’ve friends who smokes too if you have not come to this level my advice please do not adopt this habit. Getting glued to this habit is one thing, kicking the habit is yet another thing; it’s easy when you think you want to kick this habit but how many smokers who actually walk the talk?

Individually everybody should think for themselves it’s their body, mind and soul. Who are we to judge, when we can’t even guide our own matters. I firmly believe that women shouldn’t adopt the habit to smoke. How stress one can be by lightning that pack of cigarette will not solve problem that arises. I pray that the big guy up there is guiding me. Alert me, know my weaknesses, teach me to be strong and help me to pull through all of my days at this time.

I am feeling emotional now. Suddenly, the thoughts of my parent’s just ring through my ear and Andrew’s image flash by my mind. What the heck laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa really not at this time! I want to go kagak! Ciao…

tis' the season to be jolly, falalalalalal see, Tiger is freaking scary these days..

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Go Fatty, It's Your Birthday!

Today’s my nephew birthday. His name is Alif. He just turns eleven. Well kids these days are so pampered and no doubt they have good life, good food and everything is welled prepared for them. Compared to what I did have at my age of eleven. I can hardly remember whether I had a proper birthday at all. Back then life was hard and birthday to me means nothing grand or big. At the age of eleven, this nephew of mine knows how to enjoy good food. When I say good food it really does mean good food. I ask him what he wants for his birthday the only thing he can eagerly said was ‘Dinner at TGIF and toys for present!’. Waaa, kids’ ahh this time of the century.

'Alif and Me'

Well, I am not in the mood for any Friday stuff so in the end we head over for Pizza. Mind you this kid loves western food. The size sure speaks for his self. Anyways he’s an avid Arsenal fan. But I did promise to spend time with him this coming Saturday. What’s line in mind was movie obviously Shrek, get him a toy and probably quality time, since I can’t have my ‘tranquility’ bf. Just need to find ways to keep me off my mind and keep me busy. I figure that it’s time I do what I feel best and most likely satisfied me and my needs in life, at least I know I did because in life sometimes, if I care too much for others I might just be taken for granted. Then, I would not have the feel of regret. If everything goes well, I would be away for least 6months by end of this year. So here I am, giving all I can. To love and be loved in return something I have the ownership and I shall treasure it, because I do care and appreciate him for all he has given to me.

I love him to bits!

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

CURRENT: Not So Happy After All....

I had a blast last week. Tho it was short but i seriously had lots and tones of fun. I miss you Andrew. Really i do. I had fun watching Pirates Caribbean. It was remarkable! This distance is unique. It somehow help me to be strong. Hope time pass fast now. Okay, i did felt like shit on the way back. Somehow or rather the feeling of leaving your home makes you want to cry. The journey back was tiring, i was sleepy too. So i hope things will work out fine. For everyone too. I just want things to work out fine for the world, me and everything that leaves a trace in me. Nevertheless, i cross my fingers for the best. It feels unstoppable when i wan back home. Home seem quite. Ample of space. My bed. It's good. Really good. I know somebody wants my bed. Haahaa. Addicted to me? Hee.ehee. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Feeling Damn Good





Just being so HAPPY…

Wooooooo…times like this would be the time when you wish upon a star! Now i believe miracle does happen, at least to me!

I’mm GONE. I’mm coming after YOU! To the place where i belong..


Tuesday, May 22, 2007


After such a long time, in the island the first friend i meet was EK=Idiot Ng. We met up for lunch and had talks along. It’s like we haven’t been talking for months, and there are so many things to update between friends. Like, getting to know what the ‘in’ thing is and who’s getting ‘out’ and so on. At least i felt better having friends here still. EK was telling me he’s bored too. Guess the only reason he stayed back was to pursue this Masters. I told him i wanted to continue my Masters in ‘Milking’. Which i made a stupid joke out of. I have yet to meet the rest of the cronies. I do miss the rest of the cronies. I do!


Amy Chan Chen Chen, if you’re reading this; me and EK inviting you to come back Penang. Everybody loves Amy. Hahaa. EK even found an ideal job for you which he drafts out. At the thought of it, sounds really good and impressive. I now you’ll love it! It’s your passion. Really hope to see you.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Superficial Sunday

Shouldn't Sunday should be a rest day? I always think that Sunday would be the best day to rest. But instead, i realised i got up at 7.30 this morning. I was awake by the noise of alarm. Well, so smart of me to promise my sis in law to accompany her for a jog early morning. Stupid of me. As predicted she left without me by the time i got up. Since i got up that early, i when for a jog on my own. By the time i got back i felt hungry. So my bro and family ask me to follow them out.

This time, it's funny how i did not turn him down nor did i say 'NO' at all. I knew how i would behave towards him. As a matter of fact, we don't really have a good kind of close knit brother/sisterhood relationship tho we are called 'brother' and 'sister'. The gap was probably one of the reason. It feels awkward. It feels strange since his depart for more than 8years has left an impact in me. That was the past. And it's his life. He has a family so i wouldn't want to interfere and care much.

But there's a soft side apart of me that tells me this is the time to mend and re-connect to bond the closeness relationship we use to once have. Back when i was still naive and being at the age of 9 how should i understood what the circumstance and situation were like. At times, couldn't blame my parents for being angry when i refuse and rebel when subject arises about him. I couldn't take it. Not because i didn't want too. I am sick of hearing the same old issue over and over again.

I always felt that for his age the size half across i am, should have more responsibility when it comes to parents, and family. But it works the other way round. I learn one thing, not every human has the same thinking. And whatever you do, not everything pleases you. Exactly! I felt this could partially answers my parents moving to Nz. Somehow, indirectly, it does affect my future too.

So, here..i put up all my hopes and cast away my fears and hope that i may give myself an opportunity to regain the strength and look forward for something new between us. Sunday is not the best day i like either. Every day's routine the moment getting from 7.30 till 8 night starts to leave a mark. In 3 more days something, big, excitement , trill bound to happen for someone. The victim will just have to wait. Aha sure the victim excited edging to know. G'night!

Anyway, just for your viewing pleasure Tiger did this again!

and my niece wants a piece of this..

Friday, May 18, 2007

Thank God It's Friday

Firstly i want to apologised to Eng Kiat. I know i owe you one. Sorry la dude. I didn’t mean to cancel our lunch but towards the last minute some changes occur in office so i got to waive our lunch to Monday. Anyway, equal la, since you fly my kite on Wednesday hence Thursday rain and today something turn out unexpectedly for me. Anyways i didn’t do it on purpose. I promise that Monday would go smoothly unless you don’t fly me again. Hahah.

Today was quit alright for me. The time pass so fast till i didn’t realize i was in office till bout 8pm and i told my colleagues i got to leave for a jog. They said i am crazy and ask me to stay back in office bit late now i said that is crazier spending more than 12 hours in office. On the way home, i had a shit feeling, not because i wanted to shit but partially also but what’s more shiter is that the stupid feeling comes back again. By the time i got home, i was still doubting and thinking whether I should go for that jog.

And I made a choice which i did going for a jog that late. I think there’s something inside of me just wanting to go. The urge to just run and don’t look back. I fear as I’ve never done such silly act going jogging that late. And so i did. Halfway going i was surprised to see there’s someone who jogs that late too. So i followed his track but his speed was fast so i didn’t manage and i when on my own.

I was breathless after that jog. On my way back i stop over at night market bakery stall by the road side just looking and wondering. Finally i knew what would make me get back on track. What would at least make me happy and cheer me up for that very moment. I bought this.

Nope, it’s not my birthday. I wanted it. I knew i want to eat this all by myself. I didn’t bother what’s on my mind.

So, now apart of me am feeling happy but on the other side still going tartly. This pretty much sums up how boring life has been recently. Hopefully, meeting my friends back would help me to cheer up. Well, at least!

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Get Over It


I am homesick. Just when you thought your near but yet so far away. I just miss home. Even tho there's no one there but the home presence, the feel makes one very comfortable yet reliable to rest assure and chill. I particularly miss my bed and everything about home. Shit la. I keep thinking bout going home and how it feels back there. Ooh, shit! Snap, whats worst when people tell you they are going back their hometown and they ask you ' How come you don't go back home?'. Sometimes i am tired of repeating the same same answers and at times just to keep answer short and not to make myself think further or start getting my emotions over control i just cut and said 'Not free' instead of the long winded tale.

I left office at late 8 today because i figure out that if I'd gone back home early i would not know what to do and I'll start reminiscing all those good and bad times. I need to be with myself and center, clarity, peace and serenity. So, i told myself to stop thinking bout it, which i did till i reach the bus stop and damn it started to pour. The drops turn to big drops and i was telling myself wait laaaaaa, Fina have not reach home yet. And i have no choice and i can't be bother to wait longer so i embrace myself through the big, loud drops with my umbrella.

Anyhow, it didn't make any difference as my bottom was soak wet and sneakers too. I bet if i was at MY own home then i wouldn't mind if the rain pour on with me without having an umbrella. I am willing to trade and give in. All i wanted is a flight back to home town. Going to the place where love and feeling good don't ever cost a thing. And the pain you feel is a different kind of pain. The miles are getting longer, it seems,the closer i get too. No, don't get me all wrong. I don't regret this life i chose for me but these places and these faces are getting old.

Cannot wait to RE-unite again! When, Where, How???

Tuesday, May 15, 2007


For the exact one week i have been working. Monday was suck. Very suck. Hours move too slowly. By the time it ends at 6, i thought i could leave but then i got stuck till 7 plus immediately after that i rush out like some goat that was let loose out from the barnyard. I made a visit to campus on last Monday. Nothing much change though except 'Pak Guard' was more relaxes. Government servant, what to expect and PM can proudly made a statement saying 'Government servants deserved pay rise'. Deserved my FOOT! Work so slow like never eat riceeeee. Idiot racist.

I learn something good today. You know the feeling of joy when you manage to make use of what’s that’s been taught. Feels like your on top of Mount Everest when you multiple your knowledge and eventually it does lead to somewhere. Basically, after i get back from work i go for a running spree in near by housing area or just the field out here. That’s how i pass my time from days to weeks these times around. I don’t know what to do, sometimes watch downloaded movies, series, and play with Tiger.

Tiger is so adorable. Fat and chubby. Well, i believe he's the best cat that has a very luxurious life ever. No need to worry what to eat, what to do, just sleep and sleep. Time to shit, he shit. Anyway he's not tame after all. It looks more like a miniture Tiger tho vary in size. Why time move so slow? The month of May seem so dreggy. I’ll just wait and be patient. I know, my friends are going through what i am feeling these days. At least i know i am glad that i am not the only one feeling this way. Let time heal and tell. I should just shut and tuck in bed now. I am not walking alone am i?

Nope. He's with me. Yes indeed. I can said it all loud and clear. My concious are.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

A Visit To The Zoo

How weekend end so fast tomorrow is yet another day. Monday we call it. I think most of us hate Monday unless it's a pay day. Monday is the day where all the work load gets accumulated over the weekend and bang when Monday comes your in for it. Over the weekday something happened. The 'Koi' has

stand stone and that was in the morning. When i got back from work in the evening disaster

It is floating. Floating on top of the water. I think brother is mourning. His face like 5 cent sial. Now, from 7 Koi down to zero. I am going to do something bout this.

Tiger's bitch also getting weird. She got so connected with technology these days. Don't believe? Let's see.

My sis in law sent Tiger's bitch for a trim. Earlier she look like she own Santa's beard.

Look so different isn't it. Well, basically that's how i pass most of my time these days. Play with Tiger. Talk with web cam. Tease my nephew and nieces. Do some cooking. Do some chores. Produce more shit, and that's it.

The other in office I saw this drinking water bottle which amuse me. Why on earth would some idiot brand this bottle 'No Name'. If brand it 'Spritzor' or 'Cactos' still sound appropriate.

I realise blogging is fun. Blogging is interesting. You share and let it all out without a doubt. It saves Moo La too rather than spending money once your out. I love to share my views and how i feel towards certain things in life. From ones perspective to any other things. Life in reality, this is what we call Life.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Welcome To My Black Parade

Steps ln Life

Yay..this one looks cool. Way better than friendster stupid blog. Damn freaking annoying. So I'd better spend my time blogging rather doing unnecessary or spend unwisely. How has life been for me thus far? Quiet a difference i see in me. I am more slow and mellow these days. I am not like who i was back then. Can't explain. It's just complicated. Makes me doom at times. I need to stay focus and not run out of track.

Work has been making me sick like routine. Exactly one week i’ve been working. I can't wait till the end of the month when i start to have my Moo and La, i save it for my next trip to the Lion City. Monday and Tuesday was suck. Very suck. Hours move too slowly. By the time it end at 6, I look like some goat who was let loose out from the barnyard. I made a visit to campus on Monday. Nothing much change though except 'Pak Guard' was more relax. Government servant, what to expect and look at how PM is rewarding them. Our so called beloved PM who made a statement in Tuesday's paper saying 'Government servants deserved pay rise'. Deserved my FOOT! Work so slow like never eat riceeeee. Idiot racist.

Work has been good and bad at times. Well, when things seem not right, then it blows your mind off and it makes me wonder what the hell am i doing here. There's got to be more to life. Tho sometimes Big Head's are more demanding especially when your under some Sg HQ. I'll take this as an opportunity which will make me strong one fine day. Ever since i got stuck which this contract, my routine seem tight. The only last thing that you want to do is just sit and laid back when you have that limited hours in your hand.

I miss Mum & Dad. I wonder do they miss me too. I don't think so since they are having a time of their life aboard. I have this itch feeling that tells me i am homesick. Really home sick. I want to go back home but i can't. I can't find the right time too. Well, i guess everybody wants more than 24 hours right? Now i know why sometimes i think unrealistic. I never have the guts to tell my parents how much i love them. Only when i felt the emptiness of their present i wish i could turn back and pour all out.

I better sleep now since i need to educate 10 kids tomorrow. And I'm happy doing it, they sure bring joy to me! God Bless...